Many of us have been manipulated into obligations that we did not wish to owe, at a time when we were in need ourselves. Not everyone who goes above and beyond does so for us for the right reasons, and we can be victimized by their motives. They might be trying to obligate us through the burden of gratitude.
Dating is a particularly harmful method some men use to obligate young women into sex acts or a relationship they do not want. In the majority of instances, the man asks the woman out, and the man generally is the one who pays for the date. Some men will use this fact as a way to make the girl feel she owes him for the cost of dinners, movies, or trips.
In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.
Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.
Parents who use free housing or child care as leverage over their adult children are guilty of the same thing. It is not legal for them to require grown children to adhere to curfews, but they will do exactly that in order to keep control of where there children go or who they see in their spare time. These restrictions are manipulative, and no parent should try to force rules on adults in order to control them.
It is a shameful fact, but anyone offering help must be evaluated to determine if there is an ulterior motive. So often the person who is most solicitous of our needs is simply a person who seeks to gain an advantage over us in some way. Sometimes their intention is to learn as much as they can about an individual for the sole purpose of spreading gossip.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at some point in life, but the sad fact remains that others will take advantage of us at such a time. Perhaps we should seek help from a stranger rather than a friend. Family, friends, coworkers, and especially exes just might not have what is best for us in mind when they extend their assistance.
Dating is a particularly harmful method some men use to obligate young women into sex acts or a relationship they do not want. In the majority of instances, the man asks the woman out, and the man generally is the one who pays for the date. Some men will use this fact as a way to make the girl feel she owes him for the cost of dinners, movies, or trips.
In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.
Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.
Parents who use free housing or child care as leverage over their adult children are guilty of the same thing. It is not legal for them to require grown children to adhere to curfews, but they will do exactly that in order to keep control of where there children go or who they see in their spare time. These restrictions are manipulative, and no parent should try to force rules on adults in order to control them.
It is a shameful fact, but anyone offering help must be evaluated to determine if there is an ulterior motive. So often the person who is most solicitous of our needs is simply a person who seeks to gain an advantage over us in some way. Sometimes their intention is to learn as much as they can about an individual for the sole purpose of spreading gossip.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at some point in life, but the sad fact remains that others will take advantage of us at such a time. Perhaps we should seek help from a stranger rather than a friend. Family, friends, coworkers, and especially exes just might not have what is best for us in mind when they extend their assistance.
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